Motivations analysis

A couple of questions are begging.


1. Why do I want to be awesome?

I guess everyone needs a purpose in life. Until now, I was always flippant in my answer “have a good time”. Now I feel like having a good time depends on having a higher motive. I suppose I feel a little restless, impatient with myself, and anxious not to become a disappointing bum. That’s disappointing to myself. More than that, maybe I have just been born with a mahoosive ego in that I even believe this aim is achievable, nay downright demandable. Maybe I am the victim of classic Chinese upbringing and a self-obsessed Western culture. Maybe I am spoilt and indulging in a little ‘quarter-life crisis’. Whatever the reason, I’m feeling the push.


2. Why am I doing this publically? Why advertise this on a blog? Why not quietly become awesome and sneak up on everybody in one heroic swoop?

A few responses:

  • I need the support. This may be a long rocky/whimsical road, and sometimes, just sometimes,  I might doubt myself.
  • I need the shame of failing and being publically egged in the face to push me on (is this where the phrase “egging someone on” comes from??). I’m guilty of strong starts and sheepish withering aways (as my mum would say “tiger head, snake tail“) so it’s good to have a stick as well as a carrot.
  • Maybe other wannabe-awesomnites will be inspired, that’s got to be adding to my A-kudos right? Unless they become more A than me … “She was the mother of the Awesome Movement, the most productive age in human history“… even then I might be tempted to eat them like Zeus’ crazy neurotic dad.
  • This might turn out to be a good read. Selflessly, i volunteer my pathetic human flailings to as amusement for others. Bridget Jones did this before me, and she has brought comfort to every woman. She IS every woman. If I can match her, I will have done my bit for humankind and St Peter will have to let me in.

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